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Bridge to Nowhere


Our resident ginger was contacted by a middle schooler to help her with her bridge project since he works on bridges, well under bridges. So here are the answers he gave her.

Hello Mr. Ginger,
My name is ……., and I attend  …… Currently at  …… we are working on our science fair projects.I am doing a bridge which must be made out of balsa wood and glue and it should not weigh no more than 60 grams. I was hoping I could ask you a few questions to help me with my understanding of bridges, and perhaps the building process.
Question #1
What do you think is the best way to go about building a bridge?
Hiring a group of skilled Mexicans or Filipinos is probably your best bet. Be sure to lay in a supply of Gatorade and Amphetamines because they are going to work around the clock.

Questions #2
There are many types of bridges, which one has the most sturdy structure?
Not sure, probably a metal one. Definitely not balsa wood and glue that’s stupid as hell. Also, include a lot of triangles since after the tetraoctahedron, triangles are the strongest shape in nature.

Question #3
How much expierence have you had with bridges?
I have leaped from several and they always look interesting on the way down.
Question #4
Have you ever built a bridge of any size?
No, which is why I don’t understand why you were told to email me.
Question #5
What mistakes have you made when building a bridge?
If you ignore my response to number 4 then you will believe it when I tell you I have made many regretful mistakes that have taken scores of lives.
Question #6
Do you have any important tips to use when building a bridge?
Crush any talk of unionizing between the workers, it’s important to keep them under your control.
Question #7
Dou you think hot glue or wood glue would hold the bridge better together? Or do you have any other suggestions on what I should use to hold my bridge together?
First of all that’s not how you spell “do” secondly glue is usually made from horses so check the container and see which one contains more horse. That is the best bet. Also, be sure to sniff the glue periodically to make sure it doesn’t go bad. It will begin to smell like oats if it has gone bad.
If sufficient horse glue is not available I would use duct tape or staples.

Question #8
What do you think is the most important part of the bridge building process? Why?
It’s important not to refer to your Filipino workers as “Chinamen.” It angers them.
If you could please respond before December 16 which is this Thursday.Thank you so so much.

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Bridge to Nowhere, 8.8 out of 10 based on 21 ratings

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